Hey, I’m a white blood cell.

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I think we all are.

I mean white blood cells.

It is like… We all feel like as if we are at war, battling against what we can see are pathogens. And the fight never seems to stop.

Right now I just realised why I have been fighting. Well, you see I always thought that there is no reason whatsoever for my hard work but it turns out that actually there is a reason. And that is because I want to make my nephews proud. Because I wanna be that aunt that they go to when their mother won’t listen. I want them to go to school and talk about me the aunt that does interesting things. But what makes me sad is that I’m not that person .

OK. Let me stop and breathe.

It is finally the holiday so I was hoping to relax right???  But noooooooo I have a lot of revision, homework and general work to do it is killing me already.

The only problem is that some white blood cells feel like they are fighting alone because they don’t see how the people around them are helping. And others are actually fighting alone because people pushed them away or they pushed people away. I am the latter.

Have a great holiday.

Sooooooo I’m feeling good…

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I just had to.

I’ve done my first exam and I feel great about it! It’s not like great because I have done so well in it it’s great because I don’t feel too pressurised about it.

But I’ve got my first Latin exam this Friday and now I’m a little freaked out.

Anyways, I don’t know if I ever said this before but I always tend to just hate my sister. To the extent that sometimes I lie in my bed, plotting her murder. She is just so selfish and she always goes against her words… All the fucking time. I know I’m selfish too but I always do whatever I say I will and it just irritates me every time she does the opposite and I fall for it.

But yesterday was the first time in my life that I actually enjoyed her existence. We went shopping by ourselves which is rare because I hate shopping and I hate her so…. But she wasn’t as bad as I thought she would be. She wasn’t sour and making comments to make me feel bad. She was so nice that I thought something must be up but it seems that she was just in a good mood to go out with me.

So we’ve decided that now that we realise that we don’t hate each other as much (we never tell each other we hate each other. We never express our feelings but we just use actions and words that might imply something. It’s just awkward talking about our feelings.) During the summer we want to go to places our parents never took us around the UK. The lake district, near south Devon (some other place she said I don’t even know), Blackpool, Bournemouth. Any other suggestions let me know. The main reason why i want to do this is because I think I’m a potential geographer and a few of these places I’m studying for geography but the school isn’t taking us there.

Also, we’re gonna try and teach ourselves to skate. That should be exciting.

Have a nice week because my goal is to write a post a week.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

Irritation with me.

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I have my first four GCSE exams in the next two weeks. Bit shit scared.

And what do I do?

I go out to my older sister’s house to enjoy the weekend… I’m supposed to be revising and at least trying to get something more than a decent grade. So today I woke up and was feeling so guilty with myself about this and I did a few RE exam questions and Latin exam questions. I feel a bit better but WHY CAN I NOT BE BOTHERED TO DO ANYTHING!!?

knowledge is a power, France is bacon.

Yes, I know his name is Francis Bacon!

I don’t even know what I’m doing.
I just have this creepy need to write… All the time.

My sister does English Literature in A Levels. 
And she gets homework in which she has to analyse poems, by Yeats.
And I love doing that!
I have this weird talent of playing with poems… Sooooooo I end up doing her homework and forgetting about my revision.

These problems look so measly.

OK! Everyone tells me that I’m hardcore because I’m doing half a Latin GCSE in one year. I don’t whether to age with them or not. But I have a second chance of  the full GCSE next year… I don’t know if I love it that much though. But Latin is the only subject that I actually love even though it’s a bit like suicide I still love it.

I wish the days were longer and my body was not so tired all the time.
That way I’d get more done in one day.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

When I was eleven-years-old…

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When I was 11

I used to dream not believe but dream that my Doctor and my Ponds will come for me and save me from this hell that is reality. We would travel all over the universe each time finding a new piece of myself and each time losing the old me.
I would WOW! at everything and they would laugh.
Me and the Doctor would laugh at the cheesiness of Amy and Rory’s love.
And most of all… we used to cry.
Cry about how much we cared about each other. Cry about how much we don’t exist and that fact was beautiful.

My Raggedy Man never came. So I’ll sit and wait in my garden and continue waiting… Waiting… And waiting still.

I miss it.

The wild crazy dreams.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

Yikes!!

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I haven’t written in nearly over a week!
Which is rich coming from somebody who’s only just a baby on WordPress. Maybe an infant…?

I don’t even know what to write about.

These past few days I would get random ideas that I feel like creating a post about. But I never have time to actually write my thoughts into paragraphs or even sentences. So I just write them down as notes so I can remember them for when I do have time. Now I’ve got a list of things to discuss with myself… But right now I don’t feel like spring and what I’ve thought about before…

Today when I was waiting for the bus home from school, a bird decided to shit on me. Yes, a pigeonLondon’s full of them. It was only on the side of my foot but it was so horrendous and warm… Urgh. I do carry wipes with me to school because I feel like school is the most disgusting place on earth especially when there are like 2000 that’s a slight exaggeration students in one building. What I actually wanted to say was that if I was standing with my friends I would have squealed like a girl and pretended like it was a big deal. Because I was by myself… All I did was wipe it off and tried not to puke.

What is it about friends that make us that little bit louder??

And lately I’ve been thinking about money.

Like, do I really need a new phone? Really??! Do I?!
Also, I need a job to pay for the crap that life tends to give.
I have to wait a year and a half because I’m only just fourteen.

Finally, I have done the inevitable… I have developed a crush.

God, please save me!!

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am