This holiday is the equivalent of one Vampire Weekend.

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“wisdom’s a gift but you’d trade it for youth.”

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Really... this applies to nearly everyone.

Just allowed myself to ‘roam’ Spotify and found this beautiful song:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_mDxcDjg9P4

It is really good!!

I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to just talk to someone about how you feel. A boyfriend. A mother. A father. A sister. Any living human. But I feel like I can’t because of my lack of ‘integrity’. It actually frustrates me… Really fucking bad!

Never in my life have I ever been asked:

“how are you today?”

Not even just as a passing comment… Obviously I would answer with the classic, fake:

“I’m fine.”

But how would it feel if I was just asked? Just given a chance to answer? So that I can say it’s principally my fault for my inability to tell the truth.

You know how there is trial and error… Well there isn’t trial and success is there?
That’s my mum for you!!

She has had seven children and each one differently fucked up than the others. I don’t want to be a part of that. I don’t want to be another explicit example of my mother’s lack of brains. That’s why I try so hard to please others… so hard that I have long forgotten how to please myself… so hard that I need the help of WordPress to find out who the hell I am.

I guess I should have ended with the song. A little depressing.

Well… I’ll end on a nice note.
I’m going to be performing a play that was written specifically for my drama class that was influenced by this class. It’s called ‘Etta in the Night.’ A bit of a crappy script but hopefully the play itself won’t be bad.

Anyways… So excited because it will be performed at the Soho Theatre in June!!

It’s these small breaches of ecstasy in my emotionless life that keep me alive and kicking.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

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