Sooooooo I’m feeling good…

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I just had to.

I’ve done my first exam and I feel great about it! It’s not like great because I have done so well in it it’s great because I don’t feel too pressurised about it.

But I’ve got my first Latin exam this Friday and now I’m a little freaked out.

Anyways, I don’t know if I ever said this before but I always tend to just hate my sister. To the extent that sometimes I lie in my bed, plotting her murder. She is just so selfish and she always goes against her words… All the fucking time. I know I’m selfish too but I always do whatever I say I will and it just irritates me every time she does the opposite and I fall for it.

But yesterday was the first time in my life that I actually enjoyed her existence. We went shopping by ourselves which is rare because I hate shopping and I hate her so…. But she wasn’t as bad as I thought she would be. She wasn’t sour and making comments to make me feel bad. She was so nice that I thought something must be up but it seems that she was just in a good mood to go out with me.

So we’ve decided that now that we realise that we don’t hate each other as much (we never tell each other we hate each other. We never express our feelings but we just use actions and words that might imply something. It’s just awkward talking about our feelings.) During the summer we want to go to places our parents never took us around the UK. The lake district, near south Devon (some other place she said I don’t even know), Blackpool, Bournemouth. Any other suggestions let me know. The main reason why i want to do this is because I think I’m a potential geographer and a few of these places I’m studying for geography but the school isn’t taking us there.

Also, we’re gonna try and teach ourselves to skate. That should be exciting.

Have a nice week because my goal is to write a post a week.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

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Irritation with me.

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I have my first four GCSE exams in the next two weeks. Bit shit scared.

And what do I do?

I go out to my older sister’s house to enjoy the weekend… I’m supposed to be revising and at least trying to get something more than a decent grade. So today I woke up and was feeling so guilty with myself about this and I did a few RE exam questions and Latin exam questions. I feel a bit better but WHY CAN I NOT BE BOTHERED TO DO ANYTHING!!?

knowledge is a power, France is bacon.

Yes, I know his name is Francis Bacon!

I don’t even know what I’m doing.
I just have this creepy need to write… All the time.

My sister does English Literature in A Levels. 
And she gets homework in which she has to analyse poems, by Yeats.
And I love doing that!
I have this weird talent of playing with poems… Sooooooo I end up doing her homework and forgetting about my revision.

These problems look so measly.

OK! Everyone tells me that I’m hardcore because I’m doing half a Latin GCSE in one year. I don’t whether to age with them or not. But I have a second chance of  the full GCSE next year… I don’t know if I love it that much though. But Latin is the only subject that I actually love even though it’s a bit like suicide I still love it.

I wish the days were longer and my body was not so tired all the time.
That way I’d get more done in one day.

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am

All Time Low – 15th March 2014 – Brixton Academy – A Love Like Tour

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I was there!!! And I didn’t know how the hell to put into words what went on. Thanks for doing it so well!!

zararowden

Anybody who knows me, knows I love All Time Low. I’ve spent far too much money seeing them and meeting them as many times as I have but I don’t regret it. And I especially don’t regret seeing them on the 15th March.

Opening with their Dirty Work classic ‘Do You Want Me (Dead?)’ All Time Low spring into action. If the crowd wasn’t wild enough during Tonight Alive’s support, it certainly was now. I watched teenagers shove each other out the way in an attempt to get closer to the band. I saw them on the 8th March as well and I had to leave the crowd so I made sure to distance myself this time. It’s a miracle if you come out of an All Time Low crowd alive.

Instantly you can tell that All Time Low are outstanding at interacting with their audience, despite the fact none…

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If I thought before I spoke then I would only be thinking… not speaking.

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Raj! You are... so fucking funny!

That’s a bit random but that’s what I feel like sometimes when I stay up late doing essays for fun… it’s wired because I actually enjoy it as that’s the only time that I don’t have people talking to me and it’s just me, my earphones and a shit load of writing!

I love writing.

I wish I had enough time in my life to stay constant with writing and not just change whatever I’m writing… all the fucking time!

My family is full of clever people… everyone is just naturally clever. There’s nine of us including parents… Five have never been to a school or educational environment for longer than six months. Yet still they are capable of thinking and knowing all sorts of shit that my teachers are trying to teach us… and failing.

In my school people say:

‘Oh, Mymona you are so clever I could never do that!’

It gets me so frustrated when a person says that… because actually I am practically brainless compared to my brothers and sisters. That’s what I love about my brothers and sisters… none of them think or act like the mainstream typical Bengali Muslim family living in London. Because actually we’ve had lives in the poorer, less fortunate part of UAE, Sharjah. And lives in the richest parts of Bangladesh.

Back to the clever thing, the students in my school take their free education for granted and complain a little like this, ‘sir, I don’t want to hold it in my bag… School is so shit and you don’t even learn anything.

THAT’S BECAUSE YOU NEVER FUCKING PAY ANY FUCKING ATTENTION TO ANYTHING AN UNFORTUNATE TEACHER TELLS YOU!!!!!

A few decades ago being a teacher was a pleasure… now being a teacher is damn suicide. Because you are never appreciated and if you are… that student is called a teacher’s pet.

I try hard at school and that’s why I have the chance of being remotely smart even if it is just book smart… I’m jealous of my brothers and sisters who are just naturally so damn clever simply because they chose to read over watching television!

I know I’m going on a bit but one more thing:

It’s scientifically proven that if a child under the age of four constantly watches TV their learning abilities narrow down to just visual learning.

That’s why I don’t own a TV because my house is full of under fours.

I have really gone off track!

~ living in the atmosphere; learning who I am